I applaud your honesty and vulnerability here. It's refreshing to see someone sticking up for themselves, even if the outcome isn't what you wanted. I am in a similar situation right now. I wrote a mini memoir for a book that is being edited right now. I speak a lot about my mom, all of my truth, and they asked me the same thing. Does she know that I write about her? No, she doesn't because I do not speak to her at all. So, I am taking a risk because I will not ask her to approve.