I don't even have anything to add to this. You make so many good points. I think it's hard to not be defensive but then what good comes from being on the defense? We are closing ourselves off, for sure. Pausing instead of reacting right away is a skill, one that I am trying to get better at. Now when I see a rude comment here, I just delete it. There's no point. The excuses for your boyfriend when he is actually right is a great example of being defensive and what comes from it. When we take ownership of what we do, move on, and grow from it we are becoming a better version of ourselves! :)