I think this is a huge takeaway from growing up with struggles. You have been through a lot and a lot of it without someone to understand and help guide you. Your Pop was abused and just swept it under the rug so it sounds like he didn't want to deal with any of what was going on with you. That was what he learned. Thankfully, you will break that cycle with your boys. I think you will have that "spidey sense". I do and I just intuitively know what is going on, for the most part, and if I don't know... I ask.

My younger daughter was cutting herself when she was in middle school. I hope she isn't still doing it but she did say the same things as you. She didn't really know why but it just made her feel better. She wasn't trying to hurt herself. It makes sense that it's an outlet when you don't really know what to do.

I hope you continue to recover! Especially with some yoga in your life now. ;)