My heart breaks for little Ruby. Wow, you went through way too many hard things as a child when you needed someone by your side to help you. Sounds like you were forced to do ballet for longer than you would have liked. Pointe is so hard on the body. It's disheartening to read that you didn't have your mothers help and love. It's a wonder what it would have been like with the support. You endured so many things as a child that I think all of the questions you have are so understandable. Sending love your way!