Will My Problem With Alcohol Trickle Down to My Daughters?
I’ve worried about my abilities as a mother through every stage of my daughters' lives. Thinking back, I tried so hard to create the perfect home.
Was it perfect or just a facade?
Struggling with substance abuse and mental illness, I haven’t always been the best role model.
Even though I was at every school function, recital, dance competition, soccer game, you name it… I wasn’t always fully present. My memories of these times are clouded.
I yelled and said mean things when I didn’t mean it. I didn’t take the steps to see a psychiatrist for a mental health diagnosis as instructed by my therapist until three years ago and my daughters are 17 and 15 now.
I’m not sure why I put that off for so long because my mood and demeanor became so calm once I started taking my medication.
A year and a half ago, I quit drinking again. I’ve quit many times in the past 11 years and they have gone through that with me.
I always tell them I love them and do anything for them. But, is that enough?
They are both so sweet, kind, smart, and confident but will that subside in adulthood? Did I ruin their chances of being emotionally stable? Will they struggle as I have?
Addiction stems from trauma and I worry they will end up in the same predicament. No one sets out to be an addict, it creeps up on you until you eventually are. Alcohol and drugs are addictive so it’s only a matter of time for some people.
Worrying won’t get me anywhere, I know that. But, sometimes I still dwell on it.
In addition to the alcohol, mental illness, and my reaction to conflicts, I also wonder if I spoiled them too much. I tried to do everything differently from my childhood but I failed.
I was over-compensating for my failures.
I’ve always done everything for them in regards to shopping, lunches, driving them anywhere they wanted to go, having friends over, planning birthday parties and playdates, and the list goes on.