You endured so much trauma as a young child. The whole gun incident is traumatizing for me to picture and brings up so many times at my house as a child. My mother is the alcoholic in my family and I turned into one, too, although sober now. I wasn't aware of how it manifests into control issues and especially the cleaning of the house. Now that makes a lot of sense to me as to why I am that way.

I am so sorry for your loss. It might be comforting that he actually wanted to come and see you. I am also thankful that you got to see him sober. That in itself is a gift. Most people don't. My mom has never been sober and I had to block her from my life.

It definitely wasn't your fault and it is no ones fault that is the child of an alcoholic.